judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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