Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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