My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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