Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
