my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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