were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Church boner. Awkwardddd
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
