His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
