He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
