Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
