And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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