I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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