Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
