The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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