I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
