Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
