Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
