Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
