he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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