I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
