hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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