i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
