He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
