Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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