i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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