Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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