his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
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It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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