I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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