If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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