Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
