When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't deserve a penis
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
