opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
