I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
