More tranny stories later!
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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