I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
