i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
