im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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