there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
