She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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