I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
