Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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