My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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