I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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