Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
