Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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