I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
