Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
