the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
