He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
