Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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