I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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