Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
