I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
