i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
