His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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