He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
