Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
