my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
