I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
