Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
