Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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