I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I currently don't understand fingers.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
