I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
