Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
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My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
This toilet bowl is my home.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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