Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
