i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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