my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
