I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
