so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
