If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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