I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
