listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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