his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
