I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
